Finder’s Money Confessions
Money messes, meet real talk — straight-up advice on your biggest financial dilemmas
This week's confession:
10 years ago, my friend June and I went on holiday. We both paid for parts of the trip but didn’t keep a proper log of who paid for what. June paid for more than me though - I bought our flights, while June paid for an expensive hotel we stayed in for a week. I’m sure we intended to settle up after the trip, but we never did.
I’ve always felt a bit guilty about it. Whenever we split bills or travel again, I make sure to pay her back immediately.
A year ago, June casually said, “Remember when we went to Singapore? I don’t think you ever paid me for the hotel.” I offered to settle it, but she didn’t follow up, and I didn’t remind her.
Now, it bothers me. I pride myself on paying my own way, but I don’t have a lot of extra cash right now. I also know I covered other big expenses on the trip, but figuring it all out feels impossible after so much time.
What would you do? Stay quiet, wait until I have more cashflow, or bring it up now?
Sarah Megginson, Head of Editorial at Finder, says:
How does that saying go again? “Never mix money with friends, or you might lose both.”
The great news is, you haven’t lost either! It doesn’t sound like you’ve reached a point where your friendship is suffering, and you’re not out of pocket. Both of you were equally happy to muddle through the financial side of the trip, so I don’t think anyone is “in the wrong”.
But where to from here? The ball is in her court, and it was a decade ago, so you could just leave it. Considering it’s still actively playing on your mind, though, you might want to clear the air and release the muddy energy around the whole scenario. There’s no doubt that sticky money situations like this can create awkwardness. But it can be more awkward to live in the unknown and, as you’ve mentioned, overcompensate in other ways.
Let’s assume you contributed equally to tours and meals, and focus squarely on the flights and hotel. I’d work out roughly how much the hotel was and how much the flights were, and what the gap is. For instance, if the flights were $1,000 and the hotel was $3,000, then 50% is $2,000 each, and you “owe” June $1,000.
Then, I’d reach out proactively to June: “Hey! A friend is going to Singapore and it’s got me reminiscing about our trip. Such a great time! You mentioned last year that I still owe you money for the hotel, have you worked out how much? I paid for flights, but I’m sure the hotel was more expensive and there’s a gap, so let me know as I’m keen to even things out. Or I can take you out for a really fancy dinner/girls night out to repay the favour. Up to you!”
She might take the opportunity to close this tab and move on from the admin of it all by accepting your dinner offer. Or she might nominate an amount that’s reasonable, but more than you can comfortably afford. In that case, let her know you’ll send it to her in a few months to give you time to gather the funds (this was 10 years ago – she’s clearly not in a rush for the money!).
There’s a third potential outcome; she might nominate an amount that’s far more than you feel is reasonable. This will require a more delicate response, as you may want to gently push back, but neither of you are likely to have receipts to back up your position. From the sounds of it, it’s unlikely June will respond like this, but I’d prepare yourself and your reaction just in case. If she does respond this way, remember that you “raising the issue” didn’t create this awkwardness: if that’s how she feels, it’s been a lingering feeling for 10 years. Having an open conversation doesn’t create new issues, it shines a light on existing ones. And wherever June stands, you’d probably prefer to know one way or the other.