Money Confessions – Bridezilla or fair call?
Straight-up advice on your biggest financial dilemmas
My fiance, Brad, is one of three kids – two boys and a girl. Brad and I are planning our wedding. Brad's sister is currently planning hers too. Their dad is quite traditional and has told us how, as father of the groom, he'd pay for the alcohol at our wedding. He did the same for Brad's brother a couple of years ago. It's a kind gesture and we're grateful for the contribution.
However, we have heard from one of Brad's brothers that their dad has given their sister $50,000 towards her wedding.
Brad thinks this is unfair. However his family doesn't discuss finances openly so doesn't feel he can raise it, and we are still grateful for the help we've received. Would you say something or let it slide.
Sarah Megginson, Head of Editorial at Finder, says:
I'm a big believer in having open conversations about issues like this, because they can build a lot of resentment when left to fester. But be aware that, following the conversation, it could be the case that absolutely nothing changes – so it's really important to be clear on what you're trying to achieve. Do you want them to contribute more to your wedding? Contribute less to the sister? Or simply to acknowledge that it's unfair?
You don't mention how much your parents are contributing and how that factors in; if they have the means and they're happy to cover a big portion of wedding costs, then how much Brad's parents chip in might have less impact.
What it boils down to is an issue of fairness (or at least, perceived fairness). You think it's unfair that Brad's parents are contributing more (possibly much, much more) to his sister's wedding, than they're contributing to your wedding. If you bring it up with his parents, one of two things could happen.
Brad's parents might genuinely feel, from their POV, that they're being fair. The old-school way of doing things is that the bride's parents pay for the wedding, so they might double down on their position, or even suggest you're being 'ungrateful' by requesting more money or bringing it up.
Or, they might see things from your perspective, and offer to chip in extra funds (and perhaps have a conversation with the brother who got married a few years ago, too).
Either way, their decision is out of your control, but it could be worth having a conversation if you feel strongly about it; you shouldn't let it slide if it's an issue that's going to become a main character in your wedding preparations. But keep in mind, Brad's parents are under no obligation to subsidise your wedding, and any financial gift should be viewed as just that – a gift. It's easy to get caught up in the financial drama of what's fair and what's not, but don't let that draw all the focus from what should be a celebratory time for the family. Have the conversation if you think it'll be productive, then whatever the answer – move on what your wedding prep with fresh energy.
Poll results: Is it fair that Brad's parents are contributing more to his sister's wedding?
Yes 48 % | No 52%