Money confessions – I’ve hidden huge debts from my husband
Money messes, meet real talk — straight-up advice on your biggest financial dilemmas
This week's money confession:
I took out a small personal loan last year to cover a few poor choices. I'd gone on a girls trip I couldn't afford, bought Christmas presents for the kids on a credit card and that spiralled, and had a car emergency; all in all, I needed $10k to get me back on my feet.
I never told my husband about the debt and I've been paying it off discreetly out of my pay. He knew about the car issues, but everything else, he just thought I had budgeted and saved for.
Now, he wants to refinance the house and I'm worried he's going to find out about it. Is there any way I can get away with this?
Sarah Megginson, Head of Editorial at Finder, says:
It is so easy to overspend these days: between credit cards and buy now pay later platforms, spending money you don't have is simply a few swipes away. So don't beat yourself up too much about landing in this predicament.
Your scenario is also really common: mortgage brokers tell me they are often in an awkward position of revealing secret spending and debts during couple client home loan applications.
When you take steps to refinance, you're going to have to declare all of your expenses and debts. If you don't, the banks are going to learn about them anyway when they check your credit score. So, you probably won't like my answer, but the best way forward is radical honesty.
Here's what I would suggest: ask your husband to have a "meeting" about your money – the refinance, your monthly bills, your financial plans etc. Plan it for a time and day a few days in the future when you're both calm and not stressed (i.e. not during bath-time with the kids after a long day at work).
Explain what happened and share how hard it's been keeping it a secret, and that you want to be totally honest going forward. If it's all too much to say face-to-face, write it in a letter. Then move forward together with a joint plan to keep your finances in check.