Money confessions – My SIL propositioned me

Posted:
News

money confessions banner

Money messes, meet real talk — straight-up advice on your biggest financial dilemmas

This week's money confession:

My brother's wife works in a similar but distinct industry to me. We sometimes have clients who crossover, and in the last decade or so, we've occasionally worked together on certain projects or with certain brands.

She recently reached out and said she has some clients to refer my way. Great! The problem? She's asked if I can pay her a 20% referral fee on any business that comes off. She suggested I add it on top of my prices, then she'll just invoice me for the 20%.

I would be really uncomfortable with this, for a number of reasons – including the fact that it's not transparent or ethical, and I would feel like I'm ripping my clients off, and it just generally doesn't align with my values. But she's family, so it's awkward, and also those leads would come in really handy. How do I politely but firmly say "thanks but no thanks" to the referral fee, without saying no to the referrals?

Got your own money confession to get off your chest? Email it to moneyconfessions@finder.com

Sarah Megginson, Head of Editorial at Finder, says:

Ooh this is a tricky one. I assume neither of you work in financial services of any kind, because those industries are highly regulated when it comes to referrals – you have to clearly and transparently disclose any referral arrangements in writing, and there can't be any conflict of interest at play.

This should be the bare minimum in any industry, but the rules of engagement are different across the board. While everyone should act within a mutually agreed ethical code of conduct, we all have a different idea of what that means.

For instance, in this case, your sister-in-law might have the view that she's doing you a favour; that she could refer the business elsewhere, so you're gaining a material benefit when she refers to you; and that being compensated for her valuable connections is only right and fair. That's not a view I share, but I always try to see both sides of the situation when weighing up a decision.

How to reply in a way where you can access the much-wanted referrals, without paying an obnoxious price? That may not be achievable, but you can certainly give it a red hot try!

I would start by acknowledging the offer ("Thanks for thinking of me!"), then gently explain that you're not comfortable with the lack of transparency in her proposal. Go on to reiterate how much you've enjoyed collaborating on projects in the past, so if she still feels like you're a good fit for her clients, you'll happily accept an introduction. Otherwise, let's keep things clean and separate for the sake of clear boundaries. My guess? She'll withhold her juicy referrals and farm them out to someone who is willing to pay the piper. But at least you can hold your head up high at the next family dinner!

Check out previous week's money confessions:

Ask a question

You are about to post a question on finder.com.au:

  • Do not enter personal information (eg. surname, phone number, bank details) as your question will be made public
  • finder.com.au is a financial comparison and information service, not a bank or product provider
  • We cannot provide you with personal advice or recommendations
  • Your answer might already be waiting – check previous questions below to see if yours has already been asked

Finder only provides general advice and factual information, so consider your own circumstances, or seek advice before you decide to act on our content. By submitting a question, you're accepting our Terms Of Service and Finder Group Privacy & Cookies Policy.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
Go to site